"For Better or Worse"

At some point most of you have or will exchange a set of vows with an individual with the best of intentions, stars in your eyes, and butterflies in your stomach. I think most people enter into marriage with no clue what they are doing and are even more clueless as to what they are actually agreeing to when they exchange those vows. For example, "to love, honor, and obey". For crying out loud, don't you dare tell today's liberated, free minded, self sustaining woman that she is going to (gag) obey her husband! I remember standing outside the court house in New Bern, North Carolina listening to a Justice of the Peace say those exact words and thinking to myself "Obey? Yeah! In his dreams!" What a tempestuous little pistol I was (okay still am)! But I "agreed" to those terms when I said "I do"! Regardless of if I had complete knowledge of it at the time, I made a life long covenant with God, right there in front of the court house and said I would in fact oblige to obedience. Okay, before you freak out, I'm not in some way sending out an S.O.S saying that my husband is controlling or that I'm under the warden's thumb over here. Just stay with me! It's taken me some time but I do understand, today as a wife who is more mature than the one seconds old those years ago, making a pledge that I had no concept of it's meaning, what it really means to "obey". But that's not the topic I wanted to discuss. There is another line in the traditionally recited vows which is being pressed on my heart in light of recent conversation and reading. "For better or Worse, for richer or poor, till death do us part." For better or worse! I'll say it again.... for better or worse.
Now on that drizzly afternoon, standing there with my new husband, I was thinking about all the amazing things that were sure to lie ahead for us. Worse? You've got to be kidding me! The "worse" was not even a remote after thought. In that moment there was nothing but going up, things getting better, there was no downward, and you could not have convinced me that there was a "worse" right then and there. Despite the fact that we knew it was just a short matter of time before he deployed to Afghanistan, we had nothing but hope, nothing but a ray of sunshine that surely no cloud in the sky could block out. Seven years, 2 major deployments, more training exercises away than I care to think of, 3 years overseas, 2 children, and buckets of obstacles and calamities later - I "get it". Life throws things at you. At times I feel like the unfortunate kid in the movie "Dodgeball" who didn't quite grasp his coach's statement "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." quickly enough. Sometimes we just can't dodge the wrench, the ball, the elephant, the mac truck, or whatever else it is that seems to be hurtled at our heads. When I got married I never thought I'd have to struggle with an Autistic child. I never foresaw sitting at my husband's bedside in a critical care unit while they tried to stabilize his blood sugar and keep him from dying. I never though about crashing housing markets, economic down turn or financial woes. But those things (and a wealth of other incidents) did occur. Worse happened! Worse always happens.
I think (indicating this is a personal opinion here) that marriage is a cheapened institution these days. It is so because that's what we've made it that way. Marriages are no longer solid. They are disposable. We're taught that discontent in any measure is unnecessary and we have every right to peruse that which will make us happy at all cost. Are we typically happy in these "worse" situations? Of course not! When you've planned a smooth trip bumps in the road are not only annoying as the wreck what you had in mind but sometimes, those big bumps can be unkind to your backside! Nobody sets a plan in their mind and says "Gee, I hope that all this planing and all my hopes are squashed!" Nobody wants to be "unhappy". But the truth of the matter is that irregardless of how wonderful everything in your life is you're going to be unhappy at some point or another. Things are not always going to work in your favor, you spouse is not always going to be perfect in every way you think they should be, you're always going to be reaching for something higher, and at times you're going to find yourself sliding back. On my wedding day I said "for better or worse" not for "for better, good, and alright". There were not "buts" in my vows, no contingencies, no loopholes, no if's. For better or worse.
So of you reading this know all about these "worse" things. Some of you got things you didn't bargin for in your marriage. Some of you were lied to, so of you lie now. Some of have spouses who've changed, some of them in ways you don't like. Some of you are married to gamblers, drinkers, lairs, people who make empty promises, are not the parent you think they should be to your children, make you feel unimportant, don't love you the way you think they should, or don't pay you the attention you want. Some of you reading this are being cheated on or you are the party committing adultery. You know there is a laundry list of "worse" that I know is occurring this very minute, in the marriages of people I know and people all across the world. Some of us are on the receiving end of it and some of us are on the giving end. What I think is important is that we think about what we vowed on the day we made those exchanges, reflect on what those things we said mean, and ask ourselves if we are living up to our commitment. I stress we are to ask if we are fulfilling our commitments - not if your spouse is, but you. You have to start with you! So you have to ask your self, where you honest that day (or will you be honest when your day comes. Are you living up to your vows? Are you really in this "for better or worse, till death do you part"? Or are you invested in your marriage as long as it's good, easy, or until something better comes along?


And now for those who are wondering what's going on to spark all this.... with Kris and I..... absolutely nothing! Our anniversary is this week and I'm super excited to be celebrating another year with Kris. (This topic came to mind after much discussion with some friends). But I would like to take a moment to say something to my husband anyway.....
Kris, well it's been an interesting journey to say the least! And I wanted you to know I wouldn't want to have anyone else at my side for all of this besides you. I love you more than I can say or than I can show (more today than yesterday) and I hope that we've many more years of learning and growing together, God willing. I hope that our day though I know we are not able to celebrate as you'd like, is still not the less a blessed and enjoyable one. I love you!